sorry this might be a bit messy as i'm not sure how to get this into words. im male, and I dont know if im gay/bi/straight/ect... I guess im physically attracted to the same sex, I prefer looking at fit, and generally aesthetically pleasing bodies. But i don't really desire sex with them or have a romantic connection to them, i think its more that i wish i had their body, i often desire to explore their body and feel them, and be intimate with them, rather than desiring to actually have sex with them. on the flip side it feels more emotionally right to be with someone of the opposite sex, but i don't think they are as "good" looking. Though i can appreciate women's curves and shape, and a nice shaped butt can be nice to look at too. i don't really desire to penetrate a woman, i don't think it looks that pretty down there. but i feel it would be more natural to be with a woman, because rather than trying to be her, i would be her partner, and it just feels more right. i have had one relationship with a man but it didn't go well, I idolized him, i wished i had what he had. I also struggle to have sex and never had mind blowing sex with him but it was nice just to be as close as possible to him. and I've never been with a woman. Part of me feels if my sex organs and drive could function normally Id probably find i'm most likely into women more than men. Is there anyone who could help me make sense of this or give their opinion?
I don't think you are alone in this so don't worry too much. Also, you don't have to have a label if there isn't one that applies, unless you would feel better having a label.
I happen to be very happy labelled as a gay man but I did marry and have children with a woman many years ago due to a number of reasons not least of which were religious views! The marriage did end, unfortunately, but all is well now for all of us I would say.
For me the overriding thing is what I think about when in orgasm, and for me that is men only, even when with a woman. For others it is different. I knew one gay guy who didn't know he was gay until he was 28, then it all fell into place for him.
You said you have struggled with having sex. It doesn't always work out well for any number of reasons, and often it is a case of getting to know the other person better and they getting to know you better. It often takes time to work it out, and I would say, for most couples it is an ongoing work in progress.
Just my thoughts. If you are really worried and want to chat about it there is always the London Switchboard to ring - number at the top. I have rung them many times over the years and they have been a tremendous help. And when I say, 'many years' I am talking about the 1970's onwards! :-)
I am back in the office tomorrow and will give you a more complete reply but for the moment I think what Simon jrhas said is excellent. We are all different! and sexuality is not a simple case of gay or straight or bi.
You are you, and that is 100% fine. Maybe you are still exploring. Maybe not. Regardless, your feelings are all valid and you should take the time you need to explore them.
Thank you for your post. Figuring out your sexuality can be really difficult, but a lot of us have been there. Hopefully we can offer some support for you during this time.
I also had a really difficult time figuring out my own identity. It took most of my teenage years for me to figure out that I was gay, and I tried many different labels before I came to that conclusion. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking time to think about your identity before choosing a label, if you decide to use a label at all.
Since sexuality is very personal for many people, we can’t say for sure what your sexual orientation is. Thankfully, there are lots of resources available that might be able to help you figure it out.
Switchboard is an LGBTQ+ run helpline that offers support and advice about any topic – no conversation is off limits. You can call them at 0300 330 0630, 10am-10pm, or find them at switchboard.lgbt/.
If you are in London, London Friend is a great service that offers support, advice and information about all things LGBTQ+, and even hosts social groups which allow LGBTQ+ people to process your thoughts on sexuality in a safe space. They have listed many helplines as other resources as well. You can reach them at londonfriend.org.uk/.
LGBT Foundation offers information about all thinks LGBTQ+, regardless of your age group. They also have a phone line you can contact for additional advice and information. You can call them at 0345 3 30 30 30, or go to their website, lgbt.foundation/.
If you’d prefer not to speak to someone, there’s a great guide for those who are questioning their orientation that might be helpful for you to read. The site breaks down information in a very clear and comprehensive way, and provides resources to help with next step. You can find the guide at yoursexualorientation.info/.
I hope at least one of these resources is helpful to you. Hopefully you feel comfortable contacting one of these resources about your situation, and you can always come back to the forum for support. If you feel comfortable, feel free to come back and let us know if these any resources were helpful to you.