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Post by justinmj on Feb 10, 2020 14:18:06 GMT
Hey there OutLifers, This week our topic is inspired by Philip Schofield's exit from the closet. At the age of 57 he's come out as gay and has the support of his wife and daughters in his decision: www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-51443989So what are your experiences of coming out later in life? How much difference does it make to have the support of your family when doing so? Gogogogogogo..... Justin xx |
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Post by Matt on Feb 10, 2020 14:37:29 GMT
I came out at age 62 and it was life changing, even at my age. I felt like a new person.
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elaine57
Newbie
Feeling more positive.
Posts: 19
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Post by elaine57 on Feb 10, 2020 14:49:33 GMT
I came out at 61 and it had been incredibly hard. I think l found it so confusing before realising l was on the Asexual spectrum. After reading about this and feeling it was definitely me l started to feel better about myself. My family but especially my husband have been amazing, it has been a very difficult year for him. I have felt suicidal and friends and family have been there for me. Counselling also helped. At this point l think l would describe myself as bi romantic possibly pan, Asexual.
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Post by Scott on Feb 10, 2020 16:05:35 GMT
hi I'm Scott and was born in 1969. I grew up in motherwell which was a very butch, Masonic, sectarian area dominated by steel works. in my early years men like John Inman and Larry grayson represented my community. they were non threatening and effeminate. I knew I was different but I couldn't associate myself with them. the aids crisis and clause 28 further made me feel excluded. my faith also reinforced I was against human nature and gods law. I lived a loveless life till I was 48 and flew to the Philippines where I held hands with my first gay partner. recently on TV I'm glad we have a wide diversity of LGBTQ family. Rugby players, sportsmen, actors and mps. at 50 I feel more included in society and TVs portrayal of our community has helped so much. no more self harming and self loathing for me.
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Post by 50veryconfuciusman on Feb 11, 2020 11:59:49 GMT
Hi.
I'm in a similar situation I guess but it feels way worse as I'm slightly older, 50 this year. I guess I've been a closeted gay man all my life, trying to do the marriage, daughter, etc. Ok the marriage didn't last but I've been in a straight relationship for past 10 years. Unbeknownst to me, I've had a giant aneurysm for 36 years, the result of a motorcycle accident, helmet less, that in 2016 decided it was time to burst. 4 days in a coma, a platinum coil where the bleed was, and then 4 years of trying to work out who I am now, the person I was before has gone, everything I had a lid on and control of, no more, I guess you could call it the Phil effect. I understand the suicidal thoughts, I have them daily, will I act on them? No way, couldn't do it to my daughter or grandchildren now. I was brought up Roman Catholic in the 70's, so my gay shame is off the charts plus I'm trying to recover from a brain haemorraghe that really should have killed me. I have seen the 3d scan of my head, I have no logical explanation for why I'm still here, but I am. And GAY, I had a breakdown in December 2018 and kind of came out then to my gf, daughter, close friend, but then I back tracked and bottled it, who even does that? I have to come out at some point, at the moment I'm living a lie to please everyone else. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what I am, very confused.
Glen
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Post by Noel on Apr 18, 2020 19:35:31 GMT
Hi All i am in my 50s. I have tried to be a part time player as such. On the straight side marriage and family. Of the course the marriage failed. The kids are fantastic!
With the help of professional assistance i have come to accept i am gay. I am relieved to be coming out. Its a step process for me. I am happier as a person. But it is very difficult. If i had have come our earlier i would have avoided a lot mental illness issues. But but but i would not have my beautiful kids. Thats the hardest thing when i look back. I amazed how people treat so different because your sexual choices are different.
Also i so respect the young gay people who come. I admire you. I respect you and hope you have a great life.
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Post by nutsy on May 21, 2020 19:24:36 GMT
I'm 43 and I very very recently realised that I'm a bi guy.
I came out to my care coordinator over the phone today but I've yet to decide whether I'll come out to anyone else. I've still got a lot to come to terms with.
I like it here in Narnia but I suppose I can't stay forever.
Basically I'm really confused right now.
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Post by nutsy on May 22, 2020 15:59:12 GMT
Scratch that. Came out to my daughter, sister, ex wife and best friend yesterday. Daughter was surprised but happy to have a bi dad as she's pan herself. Ex wife wasn't surprised at all. Best friend just said "so?" Lol. Sister was supportive.
Came out to my other friends today, before coming out to the world at large via FB. No negative responses yet and I haven't lost any FB friends yet. Yet lol.
As far as I'm concerned I'm out to the world now. I'm not exactly going to be walking down the street with a bi pride flag draped over me, but I'm not hiding anything from anyone anymore. What the saying? Out and proud!
Oh, and only one person asked me if the giver or receiver. I told her I don't know yet as I'm still a guy virgin 😂
Also, 3 of my female friends have said they're happy to give me tips on sucking d1ck cos I've never done it before. I'm sure I can work it out based on my own experiences, after all I do have my own and I know how to handle that one 😂. Gonna be fun learning..
I feel great today!
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Post by simonjr on May 22, 2020 19:27:46 GMT
All sounds very positive, Nutsy. Cheers. Simon.  |
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Post by chrisjack on Jun 12, 2020 13:52:28 GMT
Hi. I'm in a similar situation I guess but it feels way worse as I'm slightly older, 50 this year. I guess I've been a closeted gay man all my life, trying to do the marriage, daughter, etc. Ok the marriage didn't last but I've been in a straight relationship for past 10 years. Unbeknownst to me, I've had a giant aneurysm for 36 years, the result of a motorcycle accident, helmet less, that in 2016 decided it was time to burst. 4 days in a coma, a platinum coil where the bleed was, and then 4 years of trying to work out who I am now, the person I was before has gone, everything I had a lid on and control of, no more, I guess you could call it the Phil effect. I understand the suicidal thoughts, I have them daily, will I act on them? No way, couldn't do it to my daughter or grandchildren now. I was brought up Roman Catholic in the 70's, so my gay shame is off the charts plus I'm trying to recover from a brain haemorraghe that really should have killed me. I have seen the 3d scan of my head, I have no logical explanation for why I'm still here, but I am. And GAY, I had a breakdown in December 2018 and kind of came out then to my gf, daughter, close friend, but then I back tracked and bottled it, who even does that? I have to come out at some point, at the moment I'm living a lie to please everyone else. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what I am, very confused. Glen |
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Post by chrisjack on Jun 12, 2020 13:54:31 GMT
Hi. I'm in a similar situation I guess but it feels way worse as I'm slightly older, 50 this year. I guess I've been a closeted gay man all my life, trying to do the marriage, daughter, etc. Ok the marriage didn't last but I've been in a straight relationship for past 10 years. Unbeknownst to me, I've had a giant aneurysm for 36 years, the result of a motorcycle accident, helmet less, that in 2016 decided it was time to burst. 4 days in a coma, a platinum coil where the bleed was, and then 4 years of trying to work out who I am now, the person I was before has gone, everything I had a lid on and control of, no more, I guess you could call it the Phil effect. I understand the suicidal thoughts, I have them daily, will I act on them? No way, couldn't do it to my daughter or grandchildren now. I was brought up Roman Catholic in the 70's, so my gay shame is off the charts plus I'm trying to recover from a brain haemorraghe that really should have killed me. I have seen the 3d scan of my head, I have no logical explanation for why I'm still here, but I am. And GAY, I had a breakdown in December 2018 and kind of came out then to my gf, daughter, close friend, but then I back tracked and bottled it, who even does that? I have to come out at some point, at the moment I'm living a lie to please everyone else. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what I am, very confused. Glen |
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Post by chrisjack on Jun 12, 2020 14:39:42 GMT
Hi, Thanks for all these posts its really helped me to realise that I am not alone. I am 50 , married with teenage children and secretly gay (even writing it is quite hard!). Have I always been gay ? To be honest I am not sure though I have always enjoyed looking at the naked male form from a a young age. Though I had my first encounter with another guy when I was about 25 and just mentally hid it away at the back of mind (though I never regretted it as it was very natural).It never felt quite right having straight sex. I have though started to have liaisons with other men in the last 18 months using the well known gay dating app and have really enjoyed them. (always safe). I have recently met another guy and hooked up a quite a few times and would definitely be bf material if i could commit!
Now though is not the time to come out as it would be disruptive and may take a burden off my shoulders -but would be very selfish to the family. I should add that I don't have sex with my wife anymore and I think she is suspicious of my sexuality. Given everything going on in the world I have no reason to get depressed etc but I do feel like a caged tiger !
So for the time being I am firmly in the closet !
BW
Chris
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Post by simonjr on Jun 12, 2020 15:05:26 GMT
Hi Jack. I want to thank you for your posts and honesty. Some interesting thoughts you have expressed. You are indeed not alone in feeling the way you do and the life you have led in terms of relationships. It isn't unusual for gay men of our generation to have got married, although at 50 you are almost the next generation to me (I'm 63 fast soon to be 64). The first 11 years of my life it was fully illegal to have gay sex and you could be imprisoned for it! I knew I was gay from the age of 5 and never had any doubt. Like you I was brought up in a very strict Christian setting, although not RC. It certainly can give you a self loathing that is off the scale! Even when I was at college the age of consent was 21 and being very anxious and nervous type of person with an almost inability to be dishonest, I was very inhibited by the thought of the age restriction.
I got married for 12 years before having a complete breakdown. But before that I was out and bottled-out many times. A major bottled-out period led me to get married. My wife knew about me but we 'prayed' that all would be well. Well it wasn't. I knew from the wedding night it was going to be very hard to cope with. I just trusted god it would be alright. Again, it wasn't alright. Eventually a GP advised that the marriage was making me too ill and that I should consider separating (I had said my wife and I had been discussing it, so he was just confirming rather than suggesting). Turns out that I have been on the Autistic spectrum for my whole life too and that it in itself would have made a close relationship very difficult. Add to that being gay, and you had a complete nervous breakdown.
I hope you find a way through to a happier place. Non of us have exactly the same journey but there are many things we have in common. Take care. Simon.
PS I am not a believer now. Just saying.
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Post by chrisjack on Jun 14, 2020 23:12:14 GMT
Thanks for your message, you've had a few challenges over the years, I wish you the best, will reply properly soon
Bw.
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Post by Martin on Aug 3, 2020 16:34:18 GMT
“Also, 3 of my female friends have said they're happy to give me tips on sucking d1ck cos I've never done it before. I'm sure I can work it out based on my own experiences, after all I do have my own and I know how to handle that one 😂. Gonna be fun learning.“
You will not regret it!! The moment he releases himself inside your mouth is a true moment in life to enjoy!
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