Advice/ support needed Apr 25, 2020 20:12:38 GMT via mobile
Post by confused17 on Apr 25, 2020 20:12:38 GMT
Hi, I am a female in my early thirties, I have a son who is almost a teenager, his Dad was my first boyfriend at the age of 17, I'd never been particularly interested before that. I have had 2 further serious relationships with men since separating with his Dad over the last 10 years. I split from my ex 4 years ago because I realised I started to have feelings for a woman, who is openly gay and (dont hate me) in a relationship with a woman. The last 4 years have been a rollercoaster, we have been having an affair, she told me throughout that her relationship is a companionship and she wants out but doesnt know how. She had a relationship many years ago and when she ended it her ex committed suicide, she is scared of this happening again. I have tried for atleast 3 years to get myself out of the affair, I hate myself for it, it's not me at all.. but I just cant get over her. I'm also really confused because I cant see a future with anyone as I dont know what that might look like, I.e. would they be male or female. I'm really struggling to determine whether the reason this 'relationship' feels so different is because she is the absolute 'one' or whether it's because shes a woman and I'm a lesbian. I never thought I was until her, I remember having a bit of a girl crush on a friend in college but that's about it. The three relationships I've had with Males have just never been right, almost like something was missing. My closest friends and family know about her, they dont like it, purely because of the situation rather than her being female. I've convinced them that it's just her and I'm not a lesbian, that's what I thought at first but I really dont know. I dont think I would be able to connect with a male the same way as her.. but at the moment I probably wouldn't with a female either as I cant see past her I dont know what questions I want answering, maybe if anyone has been in similar situations? I just want to move forward but I dont know how and it's really getting me down, I cant think straight.