6 months ago I was in my first ever relationship and has proper sex for the first time too with this person, we're no longer together but lately I have a high sex drive and miss that physical intimacy with someone. Not anyone in particular but the problem, is that I'm not the type of person that feels comfortable being sexual with someone I don't know really well. And I definitely don't want to be in another relationship yet. I don't have any friends that I can or want to have a fling with or anything and masturbation doesn't seem to scratch that itch. At the moment I know there's nothing I can do anyway because of the pandemic but it's still a huge dilemma of mine. I've felt so desperate that I kind of want to try the stranger thing, not literally just talking with someone online with that end goal but I don't think I could go through with it, I'm very insecure of my body and what someone would think, it took a while for me to be intimate with my ex. What's your advice?
Congratulations on your first sexual relationship - sounds like that was an achievement considering your insecure feelings.
Your dilemma is indeed huge - I feel for you! I think so often when single we can't imagine being with anybody again and there can build up in our thoughts negative images and feelings about ourselves which are unwarranted. In terms of relationships, it certainly is a hard time for everyone in lockdown, and personally I just try and be philosophical about it.
However, you express having a high sex drive at the moment and imply it is a real problem to you. I am just wondering if you may benefit from talking with a specialist about it - if you can find one in lockdown, though. If I was suffering like that, I would have no hesitation talking with my psychologist about that but if you are not currently seeing one then your GP would direct you I am sure. They can refer you if you think that's how you want to proceed. In lockdown, many NHS services are available by phone.
For more immediate chats the Switchboard 0300 330 0630 are open 10am to 10pm where you can discuss anything like you have shared and more. They have access to plenty of resources for you. All free and anonymous. You can also contact them by email if preferred. More info on switchboard.lgbt
Hello Miki, I would like to do a wild guess on your situation...what I mean is that sometimes we might convince ourselves that we strongly want sex because we might see images online and perhaps the thought continues there lingering...But what I find at least with me is that those urges tend to go away the minute I have a sensible mature conversation with someone...I do not mean it has to work for you but taking into account sex comes from the mind mainly even if we feel it comes from the body...Nowadays we all will have as well a very acute dilema of risking catching the virus because of trying to get some sex so expect people to be sexually inhibited right at this moment...Have you tried a LGBT charity?...enough of them are organising Zoom meetings for their regular (or new) clients right now...And you can always post here too!
I had to go on quite a few dates that I predetermined weren't going anywhere before I started pursuing casual sex. Having a fling with a co-worker helped.
I just focused on dates, getting to know people and was honest that I was open to casual sex. I met them in person, we would click on something nerdy like theatre or Joss Whedon, and I'd start initiating. The men would tend to by shy and enjoyed me taking the lead.
I told them I still wanted to be friends, and one I still talk to semi regularly on Facebook. We're both in monogamous relationships with other people, and we met up at a board game convention back in August.
It wasn't weird because I knew I was a person to him. He treated me with respect, he cuddled with me after sex, and didn't try to slut shame me after sex. The weird one was when he didn't cuddle after, tried to shame me for wanting to cuddle, and got awkward a couple weeks later. Turns out, he was cheating on his girlfriend with me.