ive identified as bi for a while now, and i recently got out of a relationship with a boy. i know i was never really sexually attracted to him (or really any guy), and im not even sure i was romantically attracted to him at this point. i know i felt a lot better when i was dating a girl though, and i know that im really attracted to women. but i also feel more comfortable identifying as bi somehow, but that could be because i was raised in a homophobic household, so its easier for me to admit to myself in a way? if that makes sense. im also scared of coming out as a lesbian to my friends, because im not sure all of them would be completely accepting. they know im bi, and a lot of my friends are part of the lgbtq community, but ive also heard a lot of lesbophobic things from them.
I am a gay man so what I say may not be much help to you. Thanks for reaching out like this, though.
I believe the label you apply to yourself is your business and you can share it or keep it to yourself, it is your prerogative. I think generally people like to know where they stand with you.
I find it rather sad that there are prejudices between different LBGTQ+ groups in the way you describe. I think it is an area that needs working on by all of us.
I always identified as gay but I did marry for a time to a woman and had children with her. Some people thought I must be Bi but I knew I wasn't. It was mostly for religious reasons that I married and it was an extremely difficult time in many ways, as well as being very happy in other ways. Eventually my health failed and the marriage ended. All is well now with the family and we all get on very well. Children are grown up and doing great.
I think if you want to identify as a Lesbian then you should be free to do that. And then who you come out to is up to you. However, in my experience, people very often don't react as badly as you expect when you tell them. Some exceptions, and you will have to be the careful judge of those situations, but mostly people are fine with it. I have also noticed that people can change after you come out to them, whereas previously they were a bit homophobic in the kind of comments they make. They start behaving better and if they slip up, they say sorry. Depends so much on the culture you are in, though.
How much of my experience translates to your situation I don't know but I hope it helps.