Hello all o/ i am a 38 year old male that found out on my 38th birthday that i double the amount of female chromosomes that i should have, In the states they class me as intersex whatever the hell that is. I have always had relationships with women but I have had one night stands with gay men when i felt completely alone. My female partners know nothing of this. I crave sex with men but i know that i will never be able to come out. If anyone around me found out my true desire's i would kill myself. I am alone.
As Simon mentions, it does sound like you're describing Klinefelter Syndrome. If the test was conducted by your doctor, it's definitely worth talking to them again, if not, then you should go and seek advice from a good, LGBTQ+ aware GP. The term intersex actually covers an enormous spectrum of human biological variation where people display some characteristics of both sexes. The kind of intersex variation we most commonly think about is when some people are born with additional sex organs (i.e a woman with hidden testes or man who also has ovaries) but intersex actually covers a huge range of different characteristics, including your chromosomes!
There's nothing wrong with being intersex, it's just another variation in human biology. Sometimes there can be consequences for your health, for which you should seek medical advice. Equally, there's nothing wrong with having sex with gay men, or craving it. I think (and do tell me if I'm wrong) that the pressing problem here is that, as you say, you feel alone. Getting to know other intersex people, or men who have sex with men, could help you process your feelings about your body and sexuality. Thankfully, there are lots of organisations out there that are willing to offer support.
- Our first recommendation is always to try Switchboard, the LGBTQ+ helpline. It's one of the oldest LGBTQ+ charities and offers an amazing service (0300 330 0630) . If you don't want to talk on the phone, you can email them (email@example.com), or use their webchat service here: switchboard.lgbt/
- There is actually a support organisation for Klinefelter syndrome in the UK www.ksa-uk.net/ . It even has a helpline you can call (0300 111 47 48), might be good to talk to them?
- Finally, you've mentioned that you have had some suicidal thoughts. Please remember that Samaritans is always there if you don't feel safe, 24/7, 365: Tel 116 123
I hope that you find some of the above helpful. Of course, the forums are always here for you as well. You can always post! Take care of yourself, and come back whenever you like.