Heya, Newbie here!! I hope you are all safe during this epidemic situation. I am a 18 yrs old boy currently living in North India. I have always felt different than other boys since the age of 14. I have never been able to like myself. From what I think it’s because I have never been able to talk to someone about my sexuality. I live in a society which is full of homophobes so coming out to such people is way too difficult. Also whenever there has been talks about the LGBTQ community my mother and sister always find the subject disturbing and always say being queer is “disgusting”, as quoted by them. Even though my friends are quite okay with the situation about the LGBTQ community I still find it difficult to come out to them. I always have planned to go to US or Canada to do my masters after btech. But I think the most crucial part of this of me thinking of being in a society where I could open to people and feel comfortable. I hope I get the courage to love my life without thinking about what others think. And with that I would like to conclude my first ever coming out.
I feel very sorry for you in that situation where you are having to keep your sexuality quiet. I understand that fear and frustration very much having had to live with people myself who only have negative things to say about the subject. I hope you get your acceptance and freedom sooner than I did!
If you can get to Canada to do your Btech that sounds wonderful! On the whole it is a very caring and fair society there.
You are you, and it is important that you decide to love yourself from now on! Will you promise to do that?
Not sure what to suggest for N India as this is a UK based forum, you are very welcome though. I realise the Indian government has only just legalised it homosexuality. You can expect the general population to drag their heels somewhat - people are slow to adapt to change. May be not so much as it has here since 1967.
Just wanted to reply as soon as possible and hope that you find the help and support you need. In the mean time I will try and find resources that may be of help for you. You obviously have access to the internet. Have you found any groups or societies in your area you can contact? Some are doing Zoom meetings and counselling that way during the pandemic. Best wishes Simon.
Hey Simon, I do try to love myself but the situation just doesn’t let me. I surely am trying to find some groups out here who discuss such issues. Thanks for your support and all other people in this group
Also, it’s also quite frustrating when my cousins joke about a getting a girlfriend all the time. I get so irritated and frustrated by them and feel like to just get the whole thing out of my chest but the fear has enveloped me to such a great extent.
I understand loving yourself will be hard for a while especially with so much negativity around you. Think of it as a process. I had to tell myself over and over until I believed it. Taking back the power they have over you is a process - every journey starts with one small step, as they say. The aim is to find that place where you like/love yourself no matter what is going on around you. It's about self respect and it is common for all teenagers to feel self loathing with or without sexuality differences. So be assured you are going in the right direction and it must be at a rate you are comfortable with.
I also remember the teasing about a girlfriend - I can't remember all the excuses I used to give! Very irritating for sure!
There are some handy tips on the Stonewall website for coming out, you may not have seen. Here is the link:-
Hey simon, I have recently opened an account on one of the dating sites and come across a person who shares a lot of things that are common with me and we have texted each other for the past 2-3 days and we live also like 10-15 mins apart. I feel worried if I ask him out things can get ugly. So I don’t know how to approach n all. Can you give my any sort of advice? PS: I was thinking we could meet up and play badminton which we both like
That sounds good doesn't it? You can only play it by ear and be safe as you can all the time. Meeting for badminton sounds excellent! Always it is recommended when meeting up from an online date, you agree to go to a public place and take your time assessing the other person it who they have said they are. I am sure you know that. Whatever you decide, I am sure you will act responsibly. Really hope it goes well for you. Let us know.
Yes you will feel a level of anxiety. Only you can know if you can go ahead with it or not. The likely thing is that he is as worried as you are and there will be many things going through both your heads with the anxiety of anticipation and the unknown. As I say, take it slow and keep expectations realistic or even keep them on the low side. I am sure you would do that anyway, but sometimes it helps if someone else says it. The important thing is to feel safe and be safe.
I talked with the person for the first time on the phone for 2hrs or so. I felt so relaxed and happy after talking with him. Even though I had a quite lot of anxiety in my mind at first but it was so easy to talk with home even though I am an introvert. He also told me about his past experience and how he came out to his sister 2yrs ago even though both of us are for same age. I now think that I am not the alone and people do our quite supportive. It was one of best days of my life so far
That's sounds excellent, Spidop. I/we can only wish you all the very best. You are not alone and there are relationships to be had out there. I think you are a credit to yourself. You should be proud and you deserve to be happy.