I've been feeling a bit isolated recently, especially with the whole pandemic thing, so I thought making a forum account might help.
I've recently been engaging with multiple agencies regarding my mental health and my gender and sexuality issues. This is a recent thing, and it's all quite new to me. I like to talk about the issues I face, and hopefully gain some advice and companionship with like folk.
I should also note that I've not had good experiences of LGBT forums before, having experienced some bullying, invalidation, and having been told/made to go elsewhere (or to remain silent) because my gender/sexuality issues were somewhat outside the mainstream. However, I think things have moved on a little and I hope people can be a little more tolerant and accepting, and so I'm willing to venture into forum space again . If the mods decide I'm not welcome here because of what I am please just let me know politely via a PM or something, and I'll leave.
Welcome to the OutLife forums. I hope you feel safe here. We take a strict view that no-one should be judged for who they are unless, of course, there is a clear breach of law involved, in which case measures have to be taken. Bullying is not tolerated at all. All responses have to be well considered and showing a high level of respect and kindness.
True to say, there are many of us feeling isolated at the moment, so I hope you feel there is some kind of interaction here that will make you feel not so alone. Please do contact the Switchboard at any time between 10am and 10pm on 0300 330 0630 seven days a week, where you can have a chat about anything that is on your mind. It is open to anyone in the LBGTQ+ community.
It is good that you have been engaging in various agencies regarding your mental health, gender and sexuality issues. If you need further help please let us know what specifically you are looking for. There are a number of agencies we can direct you to that may be of help. In the mean time, if you are in London there is London Friendlondonfriend.org.uk but they may consider Zoom or other video service to people outside London at this time. It think all counselling is being done virtually now anyway.
I can assure you that nothing about my issues involves criminality or hurting anyone.
Regarding agencies, I have found it very difficult to find sexuality/gender counselling services or any support groups that are willing to talk with me about my current sexuality (which seems to have changed a few years ago from being a cis straight man for most of my life). I'm currently in contact with the Intercom trust (as recommended by NHS gender services), but they told me that they can't discuss/support me with my sexuality because it lies outside their remit and expertise, and they have so far been unable to find any active group which can. So if you know of any such service that would be brilliant! .
As far as I know there isn't an established term for my sexual preferences, but it seems to be a mix between sex-repulsed asexuality, fictosexuality and objectum sexuality. I don't desire any romantic/sexual intimacy with any humans, and indeed find the real human body and human sex somewhat disgusting, embarrassing, boring and scary. But I do find idealised images/representations of the feminine (regardless of sex) aesthetically pleasing and attractive (so I find certain photos, mannequins, artworks etc beautiful and this can extend sometimes to objects that give off a feminine vibe to me, like bottles or soft furnishings), and am currently in love and in a sexual relationship with my two tulpa/thoughtform SOs (like imaginary friends or dream characters), one mostly male one mostly female, who I sometimes engage with through objects (I live with a sex doll and custom cushions which I'm emotionally attached to, though I connect to my lovers through other objects at times also). Again, I know of no active group or service for people like me (the OS International website seems defunct), or of any service willing to deal with me on this issue, so if you know of one I'd be happy to check them out (esp if a UK one).
Last Edit: Sept 24, 2020 15:14:27 GMT by pygmalion
Hi Pygmalion, Great to hear back from you with some details on your sexual preferences.
I can certainly understand how it may be difficult for you to come to terms with such a big and unusual change in your sexual desires. I am not a sexuality expert but my general view is that if you are happy with what you are experiencing and find it sexually satisfying, then you should continue along that path as far as circumstances allow. However, I also can understand the you may feel rather alone in that, and not being able to share what you enjoy with others, is a bit isolating. Please let me know if I have that correct?
It isn't uncommon for people of all sexualities to have changes in their lives that can trigger changes in their sexual preferences and activities at any time of life. Changes in sexuality may be permanent or of limited duration - either way it really is not under our control. Sometimes those changes are not easy to pin down but really it doesn't matter, you are what you are at any give moment in time. We can limit our behaviours to a large extent but we can't change our sexualities. The human brain is so complex there really should be nothing that surprises us in terms of peoples interests and activities, sexual or otherwise.
You are certainly not alone in feeling that actual human sexual interactions are repulsive, and I have met many people have phobias/dislikes about germs, bodily fluids, smells, etc., which makes sex with someone else mostly out of the question. For some these phobias or dislikes can be overcome if they can have a single partner who is also reliably exclusive to them, whereas the thought of multiple partners is very frightening or unnerving. With counselling, all of these things can be worked on, with varying success, to change anything that is causing you major concern. At the end of the day, we are really the only ones who can work out how best to express our genders and sexuality. But I get it, having others to talk to who experience the same sort of things, is always encouraging and gives that sense of validation we all often crave. I will certainly try to find out any groups or organisations that specifically fit your personal situation. It may take some time, though. In the mean time, I again hope you can feel welcome and able to benefit from the Forums.
Personally, I wouldn't think you need to change anything other than be happy with what you are experiencing, and enjoy it.
Yes, isolation is one of my biggest issues. It's rare to find people who have or are experienceing the same sort of thing or who understand the emotions involved. When people talk about their relationships or share photos of loved ones or discuss how a date went or how their sexuality was represented in a film or whatever, I am reminded again how outside of 'normal' society I, and those like me, are. It's not the best feeling. Having been mocked and excluded even from multiple LGBT sites and groups for my sexuality has just compounded that feeling. Given that this objectum-like sexuality has also occured along with a gynephilic bisexual orientation and a shift in gender identity (an unexpected development), I also sometimes just want to talk with those who also experience some form of same sex attraction even if I don't really understand the physical side of that.
But I am happy, mostly, with what I have become and don't desire to change. Though I am frustrated in the metaphorically long-distance nature of my relationship with my tulpa lovers and wish to have them materially realised more, I find it preferable to trying to have a relationship with a human. I'm not sure there's a solution to that problem, which is somewhat depressing, but I do the best I can with it.
I am relieved that you have responded in the way that you have to both of your threads. Yes, OutLife is UK based and I am also in the UK and have benefitted very much from NHS services.
My personal situation is that I identify as a cis gay man but I haven't had a sexual relationship for 16 years for many a complex reason, not least of which has been fear of germs. I am also diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue and Asperger's Syndrome - both of which make for a challenging relationship scenario. My libido is normal and I enjoy sex by myself several times a week which is usually associated with various hyper-masculine items of clothing/fetish, although there are times when I go off sex altogether for no particular reason. For me I have learnt to find ways that I find satisfying without the need for another person - it's just easier that way for me and the poor person who would otherwise have to put up with my fatigue and hypersensitivities. I often can't bear to be touched, for instance.
I do have a few gay boyfriends who understand my situation to some degree and we can have some fun chats online. I also enjoy gay porn from time to time if the mood takes me. I experience confusion from time to time due to my Asperger's and sometimes it includes trouble understanding who I am sexually. I have come to the realisation that it doesn't matter if I have a label or not - I am who I am at that moment, with a label that fits or not. Being on the autism spectrum where many of my autistic friends are the same as me but also very different to me has helped me a lot to realise how individual we all are and we should celebrate that rather than apologise for it. I see my sexual activities as 'creative' and part of my artistic personality. I have been lucky enough to have a really great NHS autism specialist with whom I have divulged my particular kinks - his reply was 'that's great - creative and playful is good' or words to that effect. LOL. Anyway, I hope that helps in some way.
I've come across similar sorts of issues on asexual forums before where certain issues, like germaphobia or ASD or whatever, can affect someone's sexual expression. In some ways it seems we have things in common, and also things in common with some autochorisexuals and asexuals I've spoken to as well, and that makes me feel less 'other'. I guess so long your happy (or at least as happy as can be under the circumstances), it's all fine.
It also sounds like you got lucky with your autism specialist - very good
I think your way of viewing sexuality as an artistic expression is a very good one.