Do you think it's possible to suddenly decide that maybe you would like to try to have a relationship with a woman after 40 years of thinking your totally straight? It's not that I have met anyone or anything like that, heck I don't even know any lesbian women....
I have had relationships with only men and am currently trapped in a loveless, abusive, marriage. Maybe I'm just done with men, and need to spend the rest of my life alone; Or maybe I just always thought I am straight because that is what society and my family expected from me and because I wanted children.
I am broken.... my marriage has smashed every bit of spirit I had and I feel almost dead inside. I need to work out who and what I am and I am not sure if this is it... how am I gonna work it out?
I wonder if it's a sudden decision or if you've suppressed it all your life. I know when we were kids (I'm 47) it just wasn't as acceptable and maybe you, like me, were told it was wrong etc?
I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage and I think the first thing you should think about doing is getting yourself out of that situation. Nobody should have to endure spousal abuse and it may be colouring your sense of self identity. Once you're free you can take stock of your situation and maybe explore your sexuality and find out who you truly are.