Hi there, I really don't know how to start this off haha but I might as well just launch straight into it
I'm male, 21 years old and have a girlfriend at the moment. But for a while now I've really been struggling with who I am, my identity and what I want in life. I've had many thoughts about guys over the years, most of it thinking some guys are hot and possible relationships with them but nothing ever physical. It's probably some homophobia within myself that I need to deal with. I also adore my girlfriend, shes amazing and everyone during school thought we should be together (myself included) and now we finally are and the six months have been great. However, I need to deal with these thoughts and feelings Im having, or at least I think I do. I dont know, or at least I dont think, Im gay but probably am Bi.
Im really worried about possibly exploring my sexuality as I don't want my friendship to change with my housemates and bestfriend. They're not homophobic, it's just something I worry about. Also, how would I tell my girlfriend? Shes genuinely incredible and I would never want to hurt her or lose her from my life, but I need to work out who I am and I dont think I can do that while I'm with her.
I'm sure some of you on here have had similar situations and just needed a bit of reassurance or guidance. Anything you lot can say would really help
Hey! How’s it’s going now??? I’ve been through a similar situation in my relationship and even though I wasn’t sure, coming out as Bi to my partner helped a lot as it allowed me space to think and evaluate my feelings without the guilt! it was ofc hard coming out, but honestly it’s feel amazing once you do
I was 15 when my now wife and I started dating (we are now 47 with 2 adult kids). I'd had feelings that I might be into guys from the age of 11 but never acted on them. I wish I'd explored them back then. I'm now struggling with my identity and don't want to hurt my wife. IMHO you owe it to yourself and your girlfriend to find out who you truly are now before getting married or making any form of long term commitment.
Thanks for your post and being so up front about your situation.
It sounds like you're still exploring your sexual identity, which is a totally normal experience, but it's understandable that you're feeling some trepidation. I'm not bi but I can relate to the worry you're experiencing about the possibility of relationships changing if you come out - it's something a lot of us go through, especially bi people who can find themselves experiencing a completely different set of expectations and prejudices to gay people.
What I can say from my own experience is that in my case, coming out was a huge relief. Being able to express myself freely and explore my desires, without having to hide them, was such a great feeling, and though there were bumps along the way, it was a choice that I don't regret.
Everyone is an individual, however, and only you can know what's right for you in your circumstances. Whether you want to let your girlfriend know how you're feeling, or sit with your own thoughts for a while longer, is totally up to you. We're not here to tell you what to do, but one sound piece of advice is that talking to other people can really help in sorting through your thoughts and processing your feelings. Thankfully there are some great places where you can do that safely and anonymously if initially you'd rather not talk to anyone who knows you.
If you'd like to talk to another LGBTQ+ person, and maybe find other places where you can get support, we'd recommend calling Switchboard, which is an LGBTQ+ helpline that runs 365 days a year. Call them on 0300 330 0630, or email email@example.com or try their webchat at their website switchboard.lgbt/
I hope you found some of that helpful. Please do post again to let us know how you're getting along.