Not even sure how to write this but basically I am a bi 26 Y/O. I am currently seeing this guy but there have been a few issues in the bedroom department, everything is great apart from the sex. So I am a bottom and i have had sex before with other guys and this problem seems to happen with more endowed men, I mean anything above average which is really embarrassing. The first time I slept with the guy I am seeing now everything was perfect and there wasn’t any issues however from the second time we have slept together to the fourth time every time we have sex I end up pooing myself which mortifies me, I don’t know why it keeps happening like I said before it’s never happened with average guys but any one over 7 inches or more I have this problem. Before intercourse I will always douche to make sure I am clean and have even taken up shower douching recently as I want to get deeper and cleaner, it doesn’t seem to matter how long I do it or how confident I am of how clean I feel after it always ends up failing when it comes to intercourse and becomes messy, can anyone help with this as I just want to be able to have a normal bottom sex life without the embarrassment and this happening each time, I really like this guy but it kills the mood when it happens and I feel like I’m gonna lose him, he questions if I even douche as it keeps happening which also makes me feel less confident about having sex. Do I need to go see a doctor as this doesn’t seem normal
Thanks for your post and welcome to the OutLife forums!
I think I speak for many, many other gay an bi men in saying that we relate to your situation. Bottoming can be a messy business sometimes, and it often takes some experimentation in order to find the right way to prepare for you. Trust me when I say that there probably isn't a top or bottom out there who hasn't experienced this at some point - it's just part of having anal sex sometimes. However, that doesn't mean that there aren't things you can try in order to make you feel less anxious and possibly make the experience less messy.
I'm not an expert or a medical professional, but it sounds like by trying to get deeper and cleaner with the douching you might be taking in a lot of water and then failing to expel it all completely before having sex. This is a common issue which actually makes it more likely for sex to get messy.
Here's a little quote from that article above "When douching, it often takes some time to expel all the water. If you are planning on having sex, make sure you douche at least an hour or so before as you may need to return to the toilet several times to get all the water out."
Diet can also be important in being able to expel all the poo when you're douching. I'd be sure to read some information from a reputable source about what go-to foods are before bottoming.
As for seeing a doctor, I think that you might be better off seeking help from a good sexual health clinic, if there are any with a good reputation for LGBTQ+ services in your area. If you're in London then Dean St and Burrell St come highly recommended.
I hope that you find some of this information useful. Do let us know how you get on!