Hoping someone can help me see through the mess which is my life right now. I’ve been with my partner for 16 years. We were both with men before getting together and struggled with the concept of being in a gay relationship to begin with but it was literally a thunder bolt moment and we’ve had the most amazing relationship. Three years ago we had a little boy through ivf treatment and had started ivf treatment again in October to hopefully have another child. We were due to get married in November but covid messed that up. Anyway all was great until December 20th when she announced that she didn’t know if she could be in a gay relationship any longer. She said that she loves me more than she will ever love anyone but just needs sex with a man. We managed to get through Christmas and she moved out on New Year’s Day. I’ve tried pleading with her to come back but she said she’s terrified of hurting me as this ‘need’ is getting stronger. She is adamant that we should part. What do I do??
I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you find yourself in. It's always hard when one partner says they want to leave a relationship, and after being together for such a long time I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now.
I'm not a relationship counsellor so can't provide you with direct advice about what you should do, but I will say that when I've experienced issues in relationships in the past I've found it extremely helpful to talk to a trusted person who can provide comfort, and a little outside perspective. Only you know what the best course of action will be, but don't try to force yourself into deciding that right away. It sounds like the conversations with your partner are ongoing, and that they've been doing some thinking lately, so I might gently suggest that you do the same for yourself with a friend, family member, or even with one of the dedicated LGBTQ+ support services.
It seems from the title of your post that you're also asking the question about whether it's possible for someone to be straight, then gay, then straight again as well. For this question I've got a bit more of a concrete answer for you. There are lots of different ideas and models about how sexuality functions but it's not uncommon for people to prefer being with one gender for a period of time and then another without necessarily changing the way they identify. Some people will never identify as straight, but have opposite-sex relationships, and some people may have relationships with the same sex but not identify as gay / lesbian. It's dependent on the individual and for some, sexuality is a more fluid experience than it is for others. I hope this helps in some way.
Anyway, I think the best advice I can give here is that you should take good care of yourself at the moment: being stuck without your partner in the middle of a lockdown can be super challenging and looking after your mental health (as well as taking the time to speak to others) is vital. You don't mention whether you have any support networks around you but if so, do make sure you're engaging them as much as you can, and remember, if you now live alone then you're legally allowed to support bubble with another household and be indoors with them.
If you'd like to talk to another LGBTQ+ person confidentially, I'd suggest calling Switchboard, the LGBTQ+ helpline. It's an amazing service staffed by queer people who'd be glad to talk to you over the phone about your situation.