sometimes i'm just so confused and lost that I just want to end it. and I've tried to end it multiple times and I've recently relapsed on self harm after being a year without it. I worked really hard to try to be happy but i'm in a toxic environment that I can't get out of and if I told anyone they would say i'm overreacting because "they know my mom and she wouldn't do that". My dad refuses to stand up to her too and so im stuck being the only person she takes out her bipolar ness and stress out on. its really hard and I quite literally cry every single day and coward on my floor in my room or in my closet. The worst part is I live in a really nice upscale area, have really nice belongings, I dress like every other normal girl and and everyone loves my mom. I often get told I'm overreacting by my parents and I just don't know If I am. If it wasn't for my Poppop and my best friend I genuinely would not be here because this fuckin sucks. I'm only 16 but I didn't even think I'd live til now. It's been like this ever since i can remember. I'm just so tired and literally no one knows that Ive attempted. I got outted for self harm and being bi in 7th grade but if it wasn't for that no one would know.
Firstly I'm so sorry it's taken so long to respond to this post, we've had some changes in how the forums operate and yours must have slipped through the net.
First I need to say that if you're ever in danger of harming yourself or think you can't keep yourself safe, the please immediately call 999 and ask for an ambulance. We may be in lockdown but in a mental health emergency where you're thinking of suicide the ambulance service and hospital staff will still gladly help, and you'll be given immediate support.
Being stuck in an abusive environment can be incredibly difficult, especially during times like these where we're all under stay at home orders. However, if you fear for your safety, you're still allowed to leave to escape harm (under England / Wales lockdown rules), whether that be self-harm or harm from another individual.
I know you must be distressed, but I'm here to tell you that help is out there and that things can, and do, get better. I've been suicidal before, and with the support of friends, charities, and some time, I've come to a much more content and stable place in my life. You say you haven't talked to anyone about attempts to end your life, so I'm going to link to some resources down below where people can listen, and offer support re your experiences. Talking about suicide can be the first step to getting help.
Samaritans - 116 123 - The Samaritans line is open 365 days a year and you don't have to be suicidal to call. They will listen to you, judgement-free, and you can be totally anonymous.
Switchboard - 0300 330 0630 - The UK's longest running LGBTQ+ helpline where there's always another friendly, trained queer person at the end of the phone. Whatever you want to talk about, they'll listen to you, and can recommend places you can seek further support. The line is open from 10am - 10pm.
AKT - If you're facing homelessness or are living in an unsafe environment then it might be worth contacting AKT. They're a charity that specialises in helping LGBTQ+ youth by providing safe housing, mentorship programmes and more. You can contact them through their support portal here: www.akt.org.uk/get-help
Galop - 0800 999 5428 - The UK's LGBTQ+ anti-violence charity that helps queer people who've experienced domestic abuse or hate crimes. They also have a support line you can contact.
I know things must be super hard right now, but try and remember that there are loads of organisations out there that are equipped to help, and that no matter how dire things seem right now, they can get better. Please reach out to one of the above organisations, it might help just to speak to someone even if you're not looking for any direct support right now.
Take care, and please do check in to let us know how you get on.