Post by yorkshiregirl on Jan 22, 2021 21:47:49 GMT
I have been questionning a lot about myself recently and even thought I may be bisexual. However, after a recent discussion I came to the realisation that in any future relationships I not looking for anything sexually intimate...i would still like the emotional intimacy within a monogamous relationship but don't want anything more physical than a kiss and cuddle...i wouldn't mind if my partner was male or female.
I suppose what I'm asking, is are there any others who feel the same way? Or anywhere I could go to seek further advice?
I have always felt obligated to perform sexually within past relationships and have experienced abuse and trauma. So I'm not sure if my feelings about future relationships are a reaction to my past experiences or something I have always felt but never allowed myself to explore due to pressures and expectations put onto what should be a 'normal' relationship.
Sorry for the essay and I hope at least some of it makes sense.
Thanks in advance for any further thoughts, suggestions or advice.
Thanks for your post and you never need to worry about length, make your posts as long as you like! I hear what you're saying about your feelings re sexual desire and emotional intimacy, and I guess I'd like to start my response with this: no, you're 100% not the only person who feels this way, and yes, it's totally fine
I'm not here to tell you how you feel, but I can assure you that it's perfectly normal for some people to not desire sexual contact. Have you considered that you may be asexual? This doesn't mean that you don't experience romantic feelings, or even feelings of attraction, but for lots of asexual (ace) people they don't experience the desire to have sexual contact, and some, but not all, have an aversion to it. There isn't one way to be ace, and for you, that might include romantic and sexual feelings to men and women, without the desire for sexual intimacy.
What I'd suggest is taking some time to process your feelings, and maybe talking to another LGBTQ+ person, or a mental health professional like a therapist. If you've experienced previous trauma, a counsellor or therapist can be an effective way to process your feelings. Don't put any pressure on yourself to come to any answers right away, these things take time, and please do keep in mind that your feelings are valid, and that "normal" looks very different for everyone!
Below I'm going to link to some resources that might be of use to you:
Switchboard - The UK's LGBTQ+ helpline, staffed by trained queer volunteers. They'd be happy to talk to you about your sexuality, and may be able to refer you to local support. Call 10am-10pm on 0300 330 0630, or email firstname.lastname@example.org, or webchat here: switchboard.lgbt/
ELOP - A London-based charity that runs the largest online LGBTQ+ counselling service in the UK. elop.org/
I hope that you find some of the above information and links helpful. If you have any more questions please do come back to us, and do let us know how you're getting along.