I am a gay man and my best friend is a straight man twenty years younger than me. Over the last 2 years we have grown closer. A few months ago he said that he was interested in having sex with a man and a couple of weeks later the inevitable happened and it perfect. Afterwards he laughed it off saying he was drunk and didn’t remember anything, which I know wasn’t true, he now avoids any physical contact with me. He has a girlfriend who he is clearly besotted with but I can’t get him out of my head. I haven’t felt love for anyone like this before and it’s ripping me apart. I feel sick when he is with his girlfriend and want to spend all of his time with me. I know the right thing to do would be to stop seeing him socially but I know that would really upset him and tbh I would miss our close friendship (I don’t have any other friends) but I can’t keep feeling like this as it is breaking my heart.
Welcome to the forums. Thanks for taking the time to reach out.
It sounds like this is not a nice situation to be in. But believe it or not, this can be quite a common situation for people to be in. You're certainly not the first and you won't be the last.
A few months ago he said that he was interested in having sex with a man and a couple of weeks later the inevitable happened and it perfect.
From the sounds of it, it feels like your friend might be curious and he acted on this. You'd be surprised by the number of heterosexual men who engage in sexual activity with other men. I think something to think about is that a sex act does not equal sexuality. Your friend could very well be battling with his sexuality or he could just be a horny straight man. Either way, from the sounds of it, you're both in two very different places.
You have to think of this situation from your friends prospective. He may be curious, acted on it drunk and doesn't know how to process it. It may take some time for him to process it. But he's got to do it on his own time and in a way that he feel comfortable. If he thinks there is pressure on him, he'll likely back off and I know you don't want to lose your friendship. He could very well be 100% straight and there's no way anything could ever happen. Complicated! Not a great position to be in.
I think the best thing would probably to give him space and see what happens. Let him come back to you. I know that's going to be very difficult. It's all easier said than done.
Can I ask, what outcome would you like to see happen?
As much as I’d love him to end his relationship with his girlfriend and be with me I know that would never happen. He is straight and I know that deep down. There is no future for us as much as I want there to be. But equally I don’t want to lose him as a friend. He would freak out if I spoke to him and told him how I feel as he is naive in many ways. I guess I just want to fall out of love with him but I’m not sure iif that’s possible.