My name is Matt. I'm 19 years old and gay. I live in a small village in Scotland and tonight I had thoughts about killing myself.
I've been following you on Facebook for a while and have checked these forums out a lot. So I know the drill. I say I'm suicidal, you tell me what options are open to me and then I'm supposed to try one of them. But why am I feeling this way? I don't know why I want to end my life. All I know is that I'm not happy.
I really want to just take a pill and make this all go away.
Sorry, I've been drinking too. I'm not sure this makes sense.
Please help me. I can't stop crying and I don't know why.
I've looked at this for the last 15/20 mins thinking what I can say to help you stop crying but I didn't know what to say. Then it hit me. It's actually OK to cry and crying is part of a recovery process. So all I can say right now is cry away tonight and when you're tired go to sleep and then when you wakw up in the morning tell us how you are feeling then.
Thanks for coming to us when you felt like this. How are you feeling today?
As you said you know what's out there. But I'm just going to post the following for those who maybe reading this and might need support.
First if you feel like your life is in danger please call 999 immediately and tell them how you feel. If you are close to an A&E go there and tell them. You will be met with people who know how to help.
If you need to talk to someone now, call:
Samaritans: 116 123, available to listen and talk, non-judgementally about anything you want. You don't need to be suicidal to call. Open 24/7, 365 days a year. Emergency Services: 999, in the case of a medical emergency, or if you fear for your own well-being or safety, call and ask for an ambulance.
If you'd rather talk to someone who is LGBTQ+, then it's best to call Switchboard. It's a helpline for run by LGBTQ+ volunteers and it's been going for decades. They can listen to your thoughts and feelings, and possibly direct you somewhere that can help. It's a really great service and you might find that talking to another LGBTQ+ person provides some relief. Call them on 0300 330 0630 from 10am - 10pm. They also intermittently run a web chat service if that's more your thing: switchboard.lgbt/
Please let us know how you are feeling today and if you'd like to talk a bit about what has you feeling this way.
Embarrassed. I feel embarrassed. I had a bit of a shit week that led into an awful weekend and I shouldn't have posted on here while drinking. But I'm fine now. Thank you all for your support. I do want to talk about what I'm going through but I think I need to wait until I'm in a better head space to talk about it. Thank you.
Hi. A week ago I posted my first message. I was very drunk and was on a downward spiral. Well It's another Friday and I'm drunk again but I'm feeling fine right now.
I just want to tell you why I got to that point. I'm 19 years old and I don't think I've dealt with my shit of growing up as a gay man in a village like this. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only gay in the village. When I open Grindr all I see is headless torsos, most who I can recognise and I know they are married to women. I feel isolated and lonely. I alway hear... "move to a city like Edinburgh" but I have no third level qualifications. I left college last year and I work in a fast food place. I don't have the money to go to Uni. Basically I'm stuck here. I feel trapped. I feel alone. I feel like everyone I meet just wants sex. I want more than that. How do I get past this. How do I move forward?
I think a lot of us can relate to your experience of growing up as a gay man in a rural location. It can feel really isolating, especially when you don't feel like there are many options for socialising and apps like Grindr become your principle point of contact with the community. I didn't grow up in a village, but the small town where I spent my youth was very quiet and I only remember meeting one other openly gay person. In circumstances like this it's really hard to feel connected with other people like you.
There are ways that you can make your situation feel better, however. First thing's first: it sounds like a really important and positive step would be to reduce your feelings of isolation. For this, online communities (like this one!) could be a good way to start. This way you can talk to other LGBTQ+ young people who are in a the same situation. It might feel like you're alone in this, but you're one of many people who feel the same, and the community can be a really kind, compassionate place.
It might also be great to talk about your situation to an organisation which knows Scotland, and the resources available that are available there. There could be organisations that could support you if you wanted to move, or at least provide some guidance, as well as connect you to communities and networks that are closer to you in the meantime.
I'd recommend speaking to LGBT Youth Scotland www.lgbtyouth.org.uk/groups-and-support/ It offers one-to-one chat, or you can ask for direct support from one of their workers. They've undoubtedly spoken to a lot of people in your situation so can probably provide some sage advice. They also might be able to put you in touch with more local services.
Another charity I can recommend is the Albert Kennedy Trust. It usually provides emergency accommodation and support to homeless LGBTQ+ youth or those living in an unsafe environment, which doesn't sound like your situation, but they probably have a great understanding of what support you qualify for, and where to go to get it. As you're a young person, it's quite possible there's a scheme or organisation that can help. www.akt.org.uk/how-we-help
I hope you find the above helpful. Please be sure to check in again and let us know how you get on