Hi! So, one of my friends came out recently, and it got me thinking. I identify as a female, but I've never had a real attraction to men, and I've just never known what any of that feels like. Since I've never had feelings for anyone, does that mean I might be lesbian? Maybe asexual? It's very confusing for me. Everyone I've ever known has always had an attraction to someone, but I've never felt that way. I haven't found anyone that relates to me, and I know that sexuality can be fluid, but I'm not sure that this is an actual thing.
Post by kirhymeswithpie on Oct 16, 2019 7:10:19 GMT
Asexuality is very definitely an actual thing. Society places emphasis on certain labels, and it can be invalidating if you don't fit into them. But we are human and there is a saying "labels belong on boxes, not people". Live your best life and do what makes you happy, and you can decide later which label best fits you. Labels can change too, identifying with one label now does not mean you cannot change it later.
Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post! To be clear, asexuality is very real, and sometimes it takes people many years of self discovery, and pondering their own feelings, before the come to identify as such. And to echo what ki said, some people reject labels altogether, as they don't find them helpful. There's no hurry, and it's completely normal to be considering this question at any point in your life.
That said, sometimes labels can be helpful by creating models of human desire and behaviour that reflect, generally, how we feel. It could be that you are mostly asexual homoromantic (someone who doesn't experience sexual desire but is romantically attracted to the same gender. Or you could be asexual heteroromantic. Or neither!
Whatever you discover and decide, just know that it's totally fine to not have it figured out just yet.
It can be tempting to read and read in order to find "the thing" you most identify with, and I would generally advise against that over exploring your own feelings slowly. However, if you wanted something to sink your teeth into it might be worth taking a look at this guide which is designed to help you explore your own feelings and ideas of sexuality: yoursexualorientation.info/Home_Page.php
I hope that at least some of this was helpful! Feel free to let me know how you get on.